combating the singleness mindset

I have written and rewritten, scripted and edited, composed and erased, made strikeouts and track changes, changed, returned, and fixed this post so many times it isn't funny. Truth be told, this isn't anything like the original idea for this post. In fact, it isn't thing like the original post. Probably for the better.

I think this topic could lend itself to a "hate-post" filled with slams and contradictions. My goal is far from that.

You must have seen the posts circulating the web sharply pointed towards the hopeless, lonely single ladies in my generation. We have entered a time where men are being raised from boys to boys, women can and will do a better job than the Joe Smiths out there, and making a commitment and choosing spouse and kids is delayed and put off until who knows when (please read with sarcasm). So, in effort to put a verbal band-aid on the "problem" infecting our young women with antsy pants syndrome and discontentment, we implore them to discard that purity ring, and really start living by throwing all caution to the wind and seek after the Father with all their heart and forget about the dreams in your heart, they're not good for you.

I dealt with these posts internally for a while. Coming to the Father with blogpost induced guilt about the Mrs./mommy dreams in my heart and lack of contentment it must be breeding in my heart, and why on earth am I still wearing this ring?!

I am sorry for throwing my sarcastic, somewhat harsh statements towards content of these posts. I do agree with some of what these posts said. They are right. However, they are not wholly right.

In the time I have spent digging into the meat of Scripture and searching my motives compared to the One measuring stick I have come to discover these truths. This is what I have discovered. This is what I am choosing to measure my life, married or otherwise, against.

- Before I become a wife and mom, choose a job, eat breakfast, or even wake up tomorrow morning my identity is found in Christ alone. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, Psalm 139, I am a holy, chosen, princess, 1 Peter 2, I am His masterpiece, Ephesians 2, I am a citizen of Heaven, Philippians 3, I am a chosen, adopted, set apart, hand picked DAUGHTER of the God of heaven, Maker of the universe, King of Kings, and Orchestrator of life Ephesians 1.

This bit of truth is very important vital to understanding and relaying your identity, self worth, and shaping the goal of living. Giving my life to Him didn't mean that in a few years when Mr. right comes along my relationship with my Maker becomes better as I go off into the sunset with a fallen man. Nor did it mean that my relationship with Him would have to manifest itself in a desolate area in the world bandaging up orphans. Neither becoming a wife, nor serving as the hands and feet of Jesus are bad goals or aims in life. However, if my life becomes for those things then my God has been replaced by my idol and I am not longer functioning the way I was made, to worship. I will not get closer to God by seeking after things in this world, be it becoming a Godly wife, or a self-denying missionary.

Because our lives are hid with Christ (Colossians 3:3), He is our goal in life. To bring Him glory, honor, praise, and fame. To worship Him. To obey Him. If our aim, energy, and motives are directed vertically instead of inwardly than He will continue to form and shape our lives to bring Him the most praise as He sees fit (Romans 8). It's proven to be detrimental to take our eyes off of Jesus. We were made to be worshipers. We can't go around that. If we try to make something do what it wasn't made to do, it won't work...at least not for long. We will wind up disappointed, hurt or broken, and severely separated from fellowship with the Father. We were not made to work towards anything or anyone of this world.

Finding my identity in Christ meant two things. First: after all the labels His word had for me suddenly earthly labels, like single, stay at home daughter, full/part time, ministry, etc. didn't really matter. Second: my desires take the form of His desires because my heart will long for Him.


- I will wait. I will wait for as long as I have to. This idea that girls need to remove their purity/promise rings and dismiss the thought of waiting until they meet their husbands is bogus. I'm calling it. If I believed the use of a stronger word would effectively aid the intention than I would use them. However, I will rest on calling it. Fill in the rest of that sentence as you may.

Whoever tells any girl to, not just disregard, but totally shun the idea of holding herself and her standards tight until they gracefully transfer to the hands of her husband should be silenced. In one article I read, the author, perhaps not so gracefully, asked the question, what am I waiting for? Her overall theme was to encourage girls not to write their lives away with a fantasy that it will begin when "he" comes into the picture. I agree with that. I don't believe in just sitting around because things will look up with an engagement ring. But, do not tell anyone that a promise I made to my father, my Father, and potentially my future husband is null.

The Bible says very clearly that a Proverbs 31 woman honors her husband all the days of her life. All. Not some and certainly not just the ones after she meets him. In order to do so I will keep wearing my ring. To me that represents a different idea than sitting a waiting. Whether I get married in 50 days, 50 years, or never I will seek to not dishonor my Savior, to whom I am called the bride of, and should He see fit, my future Mr.

No, the ring is not a stay home free pass that attracts a suitor like a fish to bait. It won't guarantee entry into wife status. It certainly doesn't mean that you mark your days off doing nothing. It does mean that for all the days I am walking this earth I seek to honor the Father in my actions.

- I do enjoy where I am in life. Because I am not clamoring to jump on a plane, attend a singles conference, or exploring "larger" occupation goals, I should not enjoying where God has me? I'm sorry. I didn't get the memo.

I teach an English as a second language class once a week, I nanny a two year old, I homeschool a tenth grader to help out a friend, I assist with my younger sister's school work on occasion, I have time to minister to my grandparents in different ways, I have my hands in several forms of ministry, I craft, I experiment in the kitchen, I read, I listen to different podcasts, I deep clean once a week and enjoy maintaining throughout the week, I am an active and present daughter, sister, sister-in-law, and aunt, I get together with friends, I manage and coordinate field trips for a local group of homecshool families, I volunteer, I have the opportunity to learn and grow in different areas of interest because I am not trapped by years and $1,000's in debt, I enjoy budgeting and sticking to it, I seek out the best deals and thrift whatever I can,...

I can keep going. I don't sit around eating bon bons and playing Words with Friends. I enjoy life and I love being where God has me. I do. I really do. I have found joy in the smallest places that hide in and throughout my day.

I don't mean to rip apart these articles. I am thankful for their insight. However, I don't believe that we need to script out what we're supposed to be from a blog that goes viral. God never once said that marriage was bad. Never once. He made it! He puts those desires in the hearts of those He makes. He is honored and glorified by a marriage that seeks to honor and glorify Him. I sense the authors of these articles fear that failing to recognize the idol of marriage merits the slamming of it.

A girl should never feel bad for wanting to be married. She should be guided to rejoice at all times (Philippians 4), wait on God and gain strength from His timing (Isaiah 40), and know that if she doesn't end up saying, "I do." that He has indeed worked and is working everything out for His glory.