high 5 for Friday

This post is making history in many ways.
#1 - My first 5 for Friday.
#2 - Because, I finally have a phone that would take five pictures in a given week that were recognizable and decent! Yeah for new phones!

1- My baby has an unhealthy obsession with popcorn. I don't make the microwave kind so in actuality it isn't the worst thing he could crave with his little might! But, the child goes indy 500 around the loop in our house if he hears me turn on the popper. Found a recipe for salted carmel popcorn! Yummy munchy! Posting the recipe soon!
2- We headed North last Sunday to stay the night and day with the nephews! LOVED cuddling this little clean boy after his bath! Make an aunts heart melt!
3- Saturday night God multiplied and multiplied the blessings on J. He brought close to 200 people together to enter His courts with singing. What a night of celebration! Plus, the love offering was so much more than we anticipated.
4- Have I mentioned how much I love skies. Lately God has poured it our with radiant colors! So in awe!
5- My saurus has needed a little extra TLC this week. Not sure why but we were buddies. With all that has been going on with J and the back and forth in his little life, things have been shaky. This morning we headed out to the library and bank just the two of us. Times like those...

Happy Weekend!

God I need you now!

I have posted this before. But I heard it the other day and is resonated in me a reminder of why I liked it!

Addressing the Elephants

I am not sure how many faithful followers I have. So, for any reading and keeping up with all pertaining to my little world here, this is for you. I realize the situation going on around these parts may be raising a bit of curiosity. As it is, for any out there who may be wondering I thought I would grab the elephants in the room and remove part of the mass of obscurity.

So, not to jump in rashly...let's begin.

Q: Is J, "guy"?

A: Short answer, yes. If you remember back to earlier this spring I posted about guy and girl. Fast forward to middle summer this follow up went up. Yes, J is guy from guy and girl. I am aware of the "thoughts" going through the heads of some. Hope the answers to some further questions will clarify this a bit more.

Q: Are guy and girl, guy and girl again?

A: No. They are not. In this huge scenario, high on emotions, and worn hearts the truths that got us to where we were 2 months ago are still there. When I stand back and look at the situation, it is nice to be needed and I like helping. However, the convictions that separated us don't diminish because of a brain tumor.

Many keep questioning my involvement in this case. I agree, it is odd. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. In many ways this has been the hardest thing I have walked through. However, before failed relationships, brain tumors, and even friendships guy and girl were and are brother and sister by the blood of Christ. We have both been adopted as sons (and daughters) and call the same God, Father. Long after this part in God's story, this will still be the case. In order for me to maintain eternal focus I have to remember that in spite of our history, our future will be together in front of the throne, praising the One that is orchestrating it all.

Q: Don't you think this is inappropriate?

A: I can see why this question is being asked. It is obvious that some would wonder. Especially given my standards.  Allow me to clarify. I don't "go it alone." Any time I am involved personally my mom, dad, or a sister accompanies me. If they are unavailable a close friend, familiar with the situation, makes efforts to be present or have someone else present to avoid any impropriety. Mainly, I stick to the background. Calling insurance, picking up files and forms, paying bills, depositing donations, etc.

Q: Shouldn't his family be taking care of that?

Two reasons why the answer to that question is, no.

A. We are his family. He is miles from "home" with a brother and two uncles living "near by." That, my friends, is all. Since, like I said earlier, we are all one family we take care of each other. There has rarely been a need that has gone unmet because the mentality in this church is to take care of each other. Not just me to him or vice versa, but everyone with everyone else. Regardless of skin, age, or gender. We try to work hard to show the Love of Christ to anyone we meet, especially those in the family of God.

B. My mom says often that should we be in another country away from her she would want someone stepping in as family. In her view, stepping in as mama. Lord bless my mother. She has stepped up and blessed him big time by "filling" in that role amazingly well. She has held hands, rubbed backs, checked on meals, called out laziness, and answered questions.

So, no and yes. His family should be taking care of this...and is.

Q: How are you with all this?

A: In a private setting, with a trusted friend, and an non-designated amount of time, my answer may be different. For now. I am fine. Worn. Tired. Drained. But fine. I have a post in the making to be able to explain the blessings I have found from running on E. In short, it truly has been a blessing. I have looked back and realized that there hasn't been an ounce of me in any of this. There hasn't been any strength that I could contribute to this. Every ounce of energy, love, and compassion has flowed directly from the Father through me. I didn't provide a stitch of it. It's amazing how when I am empty of "me" His love has so much more room to fill me...and to the brim!

So there you have it. The elephants addressed and taken care of. I realize this is odd. I realize that it doesn't make sense. If you have any questions, I would love to try and answer them. As a sinner undeserved of grace and forgiveness, I want to choose to give what I have been given. It's not easy. It hasn't been and will continue not to be. But, the peace that guards my heart and mind is wrapping me so tightly I can't question it.

Keep praying friends!

never once

fall of life

No one tells you about the fall.

You know about winter. When life is cold and barren. Even in the still beauty of the snow you know underneath of it all the ground is hard and cold. Everything in a sense has stopped until it passes. The nights come sooner and the mornings later. The days seem to lag without a sun and the grey skies at night seem dreary. You prepare yourself for the biting cold and still get eaten by the harshness the moment you leave your door.

You know about the spring. Where everything is new and growing. Blooms on what used to be bare twigs give hope for the new beauty on the way. Once snow covered ground has now thawed and is giving way for new green freshness. The sunlight that was hiding for so long begins to warm your  face. Even the rain isn't as despairing because along with the warmth it too is bringing growth.

Of course I am not talking about literal spring and winter. I am talking about the seasons of life. Unlike the seasons we experience through the year, the seasons in life don't come with some months and leave with others. The season in life can change gradually with a pregnancy or aging, or they can happen in an instant with an accident, a sudden diagnosis, or the revelation that God's timing isn't our timing with something happening much sooner than we anticipated.

In the recent months I have been reminded of the comfort found in these verses.

Philippians 3:20-21

Isaiah 25:8

1 Corinthians 15:55

Psalm 23:4

You see, I didn't know about the fall of life. The time just before winter. When you begin to loose length in your days, the mornings make it hard to move with the cool temperatures, the leaves begin to change color indicating that death is on the way. The beauty of fall is breath-taking and amazing but you know that at the end of it barren days are coming.

In the literal sense, I believe that Virginia has the most beautiful falls. The colors are stunning as the trees begin to change. The Blue Ridge turn orange, red, and yellow! The crisp air smells of apples, fires, and pumpkin pie. Apple picking is a must and pumpkin patch is a given. The crunch beneath your feet is a comforting sound. The days are warmed by the sun but the temperatures cool. Biased or not, it is the best place to be come late September.

At the beginning of the literal summer I began to experience a taste of fall in life. I knew it was coming. I held my breath and from June to now I have walked through the entry way to winter. At the beginning of it all I asked the Father for one thing over and over again.

Peace.

Let me tell you, He is so faithful.

In Philippians Paul is encouraging the church to think on excellence. Instead of giving them a list of things not to think about, he gives a measuring stick of things to think about. He starts by telling them to rejoice and finishes by listing the types of things to think on, truth, honor, good repute, etc. He finishes by blessings them with the words, "...and the God of peace be with you."

In the middle of these verses one key verse flew off the page.

And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I didn't beg to be blinded or removed, just at peace. He put a guard around my heart and mind with a peace that I didn't and don't understand. If you ask me to explain it to you, I can't. I honestly have no words other than to say my heart is not in turmoil.

I don't know what His plans are and I am not fighting Him on it. Since He is directing it I can rest confidently that He won't get lost.

I did feel the effects of fall bringing the bites of winter but my Savoir changed all that. I took rest in the shadow of His wings and my fall was picturesque of a Virginia October. Cold, yes. Leaves falling, yes. But beautiful. After the months of fall it gave way to a Florida winter. Being honest I have never spent a day in Florida but I have some friends that live there. Every Christmas card picture I get from them captures their kids in shorts and flip flops in front of the Christmas Tree. The trees are green, the grass is greener and the sunshine only leaves for the rain.

Rest in His wings and pray for that peace that guards your heart and mind. It is refreshing and freeing, and you get to enjoy the beauty of the seasons and not the hardships.

linking up with:

Simply Clark . Life with the Crust Off . This Silly Girl's Life . A Mouse in my Kitchen . Just a Little Creativity . 

facelift

Though minor, I needed a facelift!

Pardon the mess for a little bit. Construction gets a bit out of hand from time to time!

Hoping to be finished soon!

all things

Paper reads, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." In Spanish and English.

We know we aren't "through" it all yet. We know there is a long way to go. God only knows what the outcome will be. But what you are looking at my friends, wasn't happening 3 days ago. Please keep praying!

Eagle's Wings

I kind of feel like a marathon runner. I will be completely honest, I have never run a marathon. I have done a 10k but that is my extent for distance covered. Maybe after this I will be found doing one. We will have to wait and see. But, I can only imagine that there is a point in race that you get to the middle and think that you have nothing left. Then the finish line comes in view and suddenly the distance doesn't seem like such a feat. Once you cross the finish line, you are filled with adrenaline and emotions and your body, though void of energy and strength, celebrates the miles behind you.

I confess this week has felt this way.
It was a week ago today that we got a call turning things upside down and dumping them out again. Little did we know what was ahead of us.
He had been at school and studying. He stood up to get something and had a massive headache. He explained it as something he never felt before. He saw someone across the lobby and was able to introduce himself before he passed out. I'll save you the icky details. A matter of time later the emergency squad got him to the emergency room. Hours, a number of tests, and too many anxious paces back and forth got him admitted with an unknown mass in his head. Five exhausting days later, J went into surgery.

Early Tuesday morning my dad, one of the pastors of our church, and myself stood hand in hand and prayed over the long day ahead. Then we waited. Never in my life have I sat in one place so long just for a 43 second phone call and a 5 minutes consultation with the surgeon. Eight and a half hours later we were able to emerge from the waiting room to figure out the "what's next."

The short story, we don't know what's next. Thankfully the Father gives us light for the next step. Not the next year. He holds J's future and that is a comfort. We will hear from pathology tomorrow on what is going on. We will make a plan for treatment then.
We've spent the last week on our knees. The Father has answered. He loves us so much and He has not left us alone. We are not discouraged or dismayed. We are waiting on the Lord and those eagle's wings. We are tired and empty but not weary.

I was able to see him last night and "communicate" a little. He is still very medicated and out of it. But he looks good. The second picture shows his first communication with us. Eyes closed and in Spanish and English. Lots of brain activity to deliver that message! Praise!

Please pray:
- J's ultimate healing. God knows what that means and I am praying Gethsemane prayers right now. I know that God's will is what I want. I pray specifically but for HIS will!
- J's brother. He is tired. He needs strength and encouragement and peace that only the Father can give.
- J's testimony has been phenomenal. He has not missed a moment to be sharing Christ with anyone who will listen.
- wisdom. peace. joy. 

words

Other than the loud chatter coming from the group across the room there is relatively little noise. Two of us have computer's open trying to get work done but our focus isn't there. Someone is pacing the hall. Two others are commenting back and forth over trivial things. And I, well I am here. Getting no work done and feeling less than motivated. I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else but I feel helpless here.

We are two and a half hours into a ten plus hour surgery.  No word. No notification.

We are 5 days into an innumerable amount of days of recovery. No idea of the future. No "potential outcome."

The air is cold and sterile. The mood, somber.

In spite of the picture I just painted I can't get over the hope I feel this morning. We are tired. We are worn. We don't know what God's shaping but there is an odd sense of comfort knowing He holds our next hours, days, and weeks.

I know that through the cross victory is not only obtainable but probable.

I know that by the broken stone and the empty grave that J's fight has already been won.

I know that by His countless promises to be with us, He is here right now.

I know that by the stillness my heart feels, my God of Peace, Shelter, and love has wrapped His arms around me.

Please continue to lay us, specifically J before the throne of the Father. There is nothing my God can not do. Nothing.

surround me

Right now, I am sitting in an ICU waiting room.
Right now, I have a friend awaiting intense brain surgery tomorrow.
Right now, He is scared.
Right now, I am thinking how just 7 days ago this wasn't even on our radar.
Right now, if words aren't being spoken laterally, you can be well assured they are being directed heavenward.
Right now, we are weary.
Right now, we know that power in ourselves and each other is powerless in this situation.
Right now, not a one of us can think what tomorrow, this weekend, or next week will look like.
Right now, the unknown scares us.

Right now, God isn't surprised by this at all. 

The same hands that formed the stars in the sky hold my friend. The same fingers that painted the stripes on the zebra will direct the surgeon's hands. The same power that split the red sea, rained fire from heaven, and rose from the grave will be at work, is at work. The same gentle healer that raised the lame, put words back in the mouth of the dumb and opened the eyes of someone born without sight, will heal him. The same peace that is promised without comprehension will guard our hearts, his heart, and the uncertain outcome.

At the top of my lungs
At the end of my rope
When there's nothing to lose
And I'm fresh out of hope.
You surround me.
You surround me.
You surround me. 

No one else can love me the way that you can. 

I don't have to understand.