20

I have joked about not wanting to have my birthday tomorrow. It's not the birthday. It's the age.

20

That's it...no more teenage years. Over and done. Shouldn't I be in a different place by now?

If I am honest with myself, there lies my struggle.

As a kid I loved dolls! LOVED them! I had every kind you could think of! I loved to play with them, dress them, collect them...I just loved dolls. When I would play I made up this whole persona for myself. I had a husband, a handful of kids. I was settled. Happy. Grown up. Together. I was 20.

Now being 20...almost(!)...I don't have any of those things. I have struggled with that very thing. As a kid I had this vision of what I was supposed to be by this point in my life and I let me down. I didn't make it. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered mommy...I never had an ambitious goal. I didn't have this great picture of a wonderful career. I just wanted to be mommy.

Being at this point and turning to look back I wouldn't trade the things I have been through over the last 2 years for a husband and kids. I wouldn't be where I am. I wouldn't be who I am.

I had to grasp some reality about turning 20.

The first truth I had to swallow is that life isn't over. God is not done working on me. He won't be. I am constantly a work in progress! Thank the Lord!

Second, 20 starts another phase in life. I am not a teenager. I am fully an adult.With that alone comes certain challenges. But a whole new phase in who I am becoming. Who the Father is shaping me to be.

Third, and maybe the hardest. God doesn't have me married right now. And for what other reason than that currently I need to strive to bring Him glory where I am right now...single. Is it what I want to do? maybe not. But the all-knowing, awe inspiring, gasp-giving, mountain moving, all powerful, mighty to save, planning for my hope and future-God has a plan bigger...MUCH bigger than the one I had at 5 or even 5 minutes ago.

Yes, I am turning 20 tomorrow. No, I am not dreading it. I feel a bit like Kuzco...bring it on!

Make sure you scroll down and turn off the music!