thinking about "him"

My Mr.,


My thoughts are never far from you. It's been an interesting few months as I ponder our lives together. There have been several events that have caused me to think about things in my future. Our future. My sister and her Mr. tied the knot now a week ago. Many caring persons' comments began to surface bitter emotions to the reality that I haven't met you. I valued their concern that this day was "difficult" for me. However, there is a truth that I hope they understood. I am thankful for where God has me. I am thankful that I stood by my sister as she committed to the Father and to her husband to display the beautiful picture of how Christ loves the church. I am thankful that I was able to witness this union of such a beautiful couple as they begin their days together bringing the Father praise. I am thankful that I assisted in celebrating with them as they prepared, planned, and were pronounced put together by God that no man should separate!


Yes, my dear, I am thankful I did all this. I am thankful I did all this without a ring of my own...or even yet, a man of my own.

Just recently someone asked to pursue my heart. This heart that belongs to first my Father, then my father, and in the end to you. Trouble with this man is that he carried the characteristics I would desire you to have. Everything that is, but you. I had to look at him and honestly evaluate if I saw you. Truth is, dear one, that I didn't. Everything he possessed I wanted in my future mr. But not everything I wanted in a future mr. did he posses.


Please rest assured that this heart of yours is still in tact, whole, untouched, and longing for you. I can not lie. This waiting for you is hard. I recently put together a picture, subconsciously, that I wasn't expecting. As you may not know {yet!} I am a nanny. My job is long, tiring, and at times difficult. On the flip side, it is wonderful, a blessing, and a great learning time! There was a moment when I wanted to show my 2 year old something. Something she wasn't interested in. As I held her hand to guide her in the right direction she tugged and pulled with all her might in the opposite. The harder she pulled the tighter my grip became. I knew that the direction she was pulling in could ultimately lead to harm. Her harm. I knew that she was trying to get to something that she thought was better than what I had to show her. She didn't want to wait to find out what I had as a surprise. She wanted to go her own way.


In many ways I feel like that with my heart. The harder my heart longs for you. Looks for you. Even seeks you out of facades that are not real. The tighter my grip has to be. I am thankful though, that my grip isn't the only one holding on. I know my Father sees you. He knows what corner you are just around and His grip on my heart is strong, gentle, and His guidance is taking me to you. Not only Him, but my father is watching for those potential facades. My father is constantly in communication with my Father over the "right" or "wrong." I have little to worry about when I have the 2 of them treasuring my heart as it is meant to be treasured.



My dear, these days of waiting for you are long. The times without you are too often. I can't wait for you. Us. However, God has me here. Right where I am. Right now. Without you. Whereas I can NOT escape the truth that I long for you. I can not escape the truth that I desire to be WHOLE heartily where He has me. Truth of this matter is that last Saturday wasn't difficult for me. I miss you but I know that God hasn't brought you yet. So, my dear my waiting heart didn't ache because I knew that the same God that perfectly formed my sister and her Mr. together was perfectly forming you.

My waiting may be of some length. I don't know what the next moment envelopes. I can't see that far. But I have hope, a confident expectation, that in one of these next moments {or maybe the next to the next} I will find you, finding me, waiting for you.

I don't know when that will be. I don't think I want to. What I know for sure is that I can wait, resting in the perfectly secure arms of my Father, in the strong confidence of wisdom of my father, and in the H.O.P.E that I am not done and neither are you.

Waiting {patient and growing} and forever yours, Your future Mrs.