never once

fall of life

No one tells you about the fall.

You know about winter. When life is cold and barren. Even in the still beauty of the snow you know underneath of it all the ground is hard and cold. Everything in a sense has stopped until it passes. The nights come sooner and the mornings later. The days seem to lag without a sun and the grey skies at night seem dreary. You prepare yourself for the biting cold and still get eaten by the harshness the moment you leave your door.

You know about the spring. Where everything is new and growing. Blooms on what used to be bare twigs give hope for the new beauty on the way. Once snow covered ground has now thawed and is giving way for new green freshness. The sunlight that was hiding for so long begins to warm your  face. Even the rain isn't as despairing because along with the warmth it too is bringing growth.

Of course I am not talking about literal spring and winter. I am talking about the seasons of life. Unlike the seasons we experience through the year, the seasons in life don't come with some months and leave with others. The season in life can change gradually with a pregnancy or aging, or they can happen in an instant with an accident, a sudden diagnosis, or the revelation that God's timing isn't our timing with something happening much sooner than we anticipated.

In the recent months I have been reminded of the comfort found in these verses.

Philippians 3:20-21

Isaiah 25:8

1 Corinthians 15:55

Psalm 23:4

You see, I didn't know about the fall of life. The time just before winter. When you begin to loose length in your days, the mornings make it hard to move with the cool temperatures, the leaves begin to change color indicating that death is on the way. The beauty of fall is breath-taking and amazing but you know that at the end of it barren days are coming.

In the literal sense, I believe that Virginia has the most beautiful falls. The colors are stunning as the trees begin to change. The Blue Ridge turn orange, red, and yellow! The crisp air smells of apples, fires, and pumpkin pie. Apple picking is a must and pumpkin patch is a given. The crunch beneath your feet is a comforting sound. The days are warmed by the sun but the temperatures cool. Biased or not, it is the best place to be come late September.

At the beginning of the literal summer I began to experience a taste of fall in life. I knew it was coming. I held my breath and from June to now I have walked through the entry way to winter. At the beginning of it all I asked the Father for one thing over and over again.

Peace.

Let me tell you, He is so faithful.

In Philippians Paul is encouraging the church to think on excellence. Instead of giving them a list of things not to think about, he gives a measuring stick of things to think about. He starts by telling them to rejoice and finishes by listing the types of things to think on, truth, honor, good repute, etc. He finishes by blessings them with the words, "...and the God of peace be with you."

In the middle of these verses one key verse flew off the page.

And the peace of God which surpasses all comprehension will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

I didn't beg to be blinded or removed, just at peace. He put a guard around my heart and mind with a peace that I didn't and don't understand. If you ask me to explain it to you, I can't. I honestly have no words other than to say my heart is not in turmoil.

I don't know what His plans are and I am not fighting Him on it. Since He is directing it I can rest confidently that He won't get lost.

I did feel the effects of fall bringing the bites of winter but my Savoir changed all that. I took rest in the shadow of His wings and my fall was picturesque of a Virginia October. Cold, yes. Leaves falling, yes. But beautiful. After the months of fall it gave way to a Florida winter. Being honest I have never spent a day in Florida but I have some friends that live there. Every Christmas card picture I get from them captures their kids in shorts and flip flops in front of the Christmas Tree. The trees are green, the grass is greener and the sunshine only leaves for the rain.

Rest in His wings and pray for that peace that guards your heart and mind. It is refreshing and freeing, and you get to enjoy the beauty of the seasons and not the hardships.

linking up with:

Simply Clark . Life with the Crust Off . This Silly Girl's Life . A Mouse in my Kitchen . Just a Little Creativity . 

facelift

Though minor, I needed a facelift!

Pardon the mess for a little bit. Construction gets a bit out of hand from time to time!

Hoping to be finished soon!

all things

Paper reads, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." In Spanish and English.

We know we aren't "through" it all yet. We know there is a long way to go. God only knows what the outcome will be. But what you are looking at my friends, wasn't happening 3 days ago. Please keep praying!

Eagle's Wings

I kind of feel like a marathon runner. I will be completely honest, I have never run a marathon. I have done a 10k but that is my extent for distance covered. Maybe after this I will be found doing one. We will have to wait and see. But, I can only imagine that there is a point in race that you get to the middle and think that you have nothing left. Then the finish line comes in view and suddenly the distance doesn't seem like such a feat. Once you cross the finish line, you are filled with adrenaline and emotions and your body, though void of energy and strength, celebrates the miles behind you.

I confess this week has felt this way.
It was a week ago today that we got a call turning things upside down and dumping them out again. Little did we know what was ahead of us.
He had been at school and studying. He stood up to get something and had a massive headache. He explained it as something he never felt before. He saw someone across the lobby and was able to introduce himself before he passed out. I'll save you the icky details. A matter of time later the emergency squad got him to the emergency room. Hours, a number of tests, and too many anxious paces back and forth got him admitted with an unknown mass in his head. Five exhausting days later, J went into surgery.

Early Tuesday morning my dad, one of the pastors of our church, and myself stood hand in hand and prayed over the long day ahead. Then we waited. Never in my life have I sat in one place so long just for a 43 second phone call and a 5 minutes consultation with the surgeon. Eight and a half hours later we were able to emerge from the waiting room to figure out the "what's next."

The short story, we don't know what's next. Thankfully the Father gives us light for the next step. Not the next year. He holds J's future and that is a comfort. We will hear from pathology tomorrow on what is going on. We will make a plan for treatment then.
We've spent the last week on our knees. The Father has answered. He loves us so much and He has not left us alone. We are not discouraged or dismayed. We are waiting on the Lord and those eagle's wings. We are tired and empty but not weary.

I was able to see him last night and "communicate" a little. He is still very medicated and out of it. But he looks good. The second picture shows his first communication with us. Eyes closed and in Spanish and English. Lots of brain activity to deliver that message! Praise!

Please pray:
- J's ultimate healing. God knows what that means and I am praying Gethsemane prayers right now. I know that God's will is what I want. I pray specifically but for HIS will!
- J's brother. He is tired. He needs strength and encouragement and peace that only the Father can give.
- J's testimony has been phenomenal. He has not missed a moment to be sharing Christ with anyone who will listen.
- wisdom. peace. joy. 

words

Other than the loud chatter coming from the group across the room there is relatively little noise. Two of us have computer's open trying to get work done but our focus isn't there. Someone is pacing the hall. Two others are commenting back and forth over trivial things. And I, well I am here. Getting no work done and feeling less than motivated. I wouldn't choose to be anywhere else but I feel helpless here.

We are two and a half hours into a ten plus hour surgery.  No word. No notification.

We are 5 days into an innumerable amount of days of recovery. No idea of the future. No "potential outcome."

The air is cold and sterile. The mood, somber.

In spite of the picture I just painted I can't get over the hope I feel this morning. We are tired. We are worn. We don't know what God's shaping but there is an odd sense of comfort knowing He holds our next hours, days, and weeks.

I know that through the cross victory is not only obtainable but probable.

I know that by the broken stone and the empty grave that J's fight has already been won.

I know that by His countless promises to be with us, He is here right now.

I know that by the stillness my heart feels, my God of Peace, Shelter, and love has wrapped His arms around me.

Please continue to lay us, specifically J before the throne of the Father. There is nothing my God can not do. Nothing.

surround me

Right now, I am sitting in an ICU waiting room.
Right now, I have a friend awaiting intense brain surgery tomorrow.
Right now, He is scared.
Right now, I am thinking how just 7 days ago this wasn't even on our radar.
Right now, if words aren't being spoken laterally, you can be well assured they are being directed heavenward.
Right now, we are weary.
Right now, we know that power in ourselves and each other is powerless in this situation.
Right now, not a one of us can think what tomorrow, this weekend, or next week will look like.
Right now, the unknown scares us.

Right now, God isn't surprised by this at all. 

The same hands that formed the stars in the sky hold my friend. The same fingers that painted the stripes on the zebra will direct the surgeon's hands. The same power that split the red sea, rained fire from heaven, and rose from the grave will be at work, is at work. The same gentle healer that raised the lame, put words back in the mouth of the dumb and opened the eyes of someone born without sight, will heal him. The same peace that is promised without comprehension will guard our hearts, his heart, and the uncertain outcome.

At the top of my lungs
At the end of my rope
When there's nothing to lose
And I'm fresh out of hope.
You surround me.
You surround me.
You surround me. 

No one else can love me the way that you can. 

I don't have to understand.