I don't need to explain

...but I will.

Remember this post? When I finished that post I had just been offered the opportunity to spend 8 weeks in Peru.
If you have been reading ANYTHING on here you know that I would love for NOTHING more than to be there again! 8 weeks would be awesome! Since the first time I was there I had decided that I would like to spend more time there than we do. I had been feeling the want to go back and this was dropped in my lap.
A week of orientation in Lima, and 6 weeks of Quero, Bamba, and Rosa. Some intense moments of pure dependence on the Father. Not to mention a huge increase in my Spanish ability.
It sounded like a great opportunity. It was..it is. So, we started to pray about it. Even though I am all of 20 (almost 21) I still value my parents opinion and I want them to be at peace with this decision too. So we prayed. I prayed.
I at first was mentally preparing myself to go. I was ready. With this mindset I started trying to convince God that this is what I was supposed to do. I would pray things like, "Assure mom and dad." Um, yea...I said that! I was confident that I knew what God wanted me to do and I was working my tail off to let Him know that plan.
My plan was brilliant and I was ready to pounce. But God...
He did what I should have been doing. He waited for me to shut my mouth to let me know what His plan was. What I am going to be doing this summer.

I didn't like the answer.

I wanted to turn in the application. He said no.

I wanted to be "raising" funds. He said no.

I wanted to be figuring out how to fit 2 months in a suitcase. He said no.

There are some practical reasons that have come out of me staying put. My job is potentially coming to an end soon. If that's the case it could happen while I am gone. I would come back to nothing and have to find a job. My nephew/niece will be born while I am gone. I would never get past the fact that I missed out on that.

I could sit here and probably come up with a bunch more reasons why it is a good idea. Why I should be happy I am staying. Why it is the "best" thing to do. BUT, what it all comes down to is that the best reason for me not going is simply obedience. He has called me to stay here. I don't know "why" and honestly I am trying to care less. He called. That's all I need to know. I will not be spending 8 weeks in Peru this summer but I will be spending 8 weeks praying for my friends who will be. I am staying here out of obedience.

While I'm waiting....